Black Clouds and Silver Linings

One of the many things I have to be grateful to my parents for is all the effort they have expended trying to get me to have a positive attitude about well, everything. Seeing the good in a situation is sometimes pretty hard. A lot of times it takes a look back on the situation much later to see any good that came out of it whatsoever. We get pretty nearsighted in the moment and can't see past our trials to the blessings that may come from them. For example, two weeks ago I was officially diagnosed by the mission doctor with moderate to severe insomnia. It's something I've always known, I've had trouble sleeping for several years now, but getting the official diagnosis made me think about it a lot more. At first glance, it's hard to see any good that comes out of something like this. It seems like running on two or three hours of sleep a night would make me pretty useless. At times it feels like it does. But then thinking about the effects it's had on me so far paints a totally different picture. Looking back on the past few years I would expect to remember a lot of times that I wasn't able to do anything because I was too tired. I don't I remember a lot of times, especially on my mission, without the benefit of sleeping in on weekends, that I have been tired, but never to the point that I was unable to do what I needed to. Instead I remembered countless nights that I would go out to the living room of the apartment, or at home, just turn on the light, and read for hours. Novels, biographies, almanacs, encyclopedias, everything, I just mowed through it. Since my mission started my choices have been somewhat more limited, but these late night reading sessions mean that I have just finished reading the entire standard works for the fifth time in the last ten months. Looking back at all of that, it seems incredible to me that I even remember anything that I read, but somehow I do. I realize that so much of the knowledge I've gained from doing this has really blessed my life. So many of the things I actually know anything about I learned reading at three in the morning. Seeing that gives me some gratitude for this trial. That's not to say that I like it, if I could say the word and be able to sleep soundly tonight and for the rest of my life I would do it without hesitation. On the other hand, if I was given the choice to have never had it, I don't know that I would take that. So I guess the point I'm trying to make is that trials aren't much fun. They can really be a thorn in our side. An yet there is good to come out of them. Sometimes it takes a little work. I wouldn't have gained a thing from this had I stayed in bed and stared at the ceiling for four hours a night. But with the right perspective and a little effort we can make good things come from bad situations. Obviously, this is a rather minor trial to deal with. When faced with something far more catastrophic, it seems impossible to see the light at the end of the tunnel. It is those times when we have to put our trust in the Lord and know that he will see us safely through to the end. And, as with Joseph Smith was told in his hour of despair in Liberty Jail, "..thy adversity and afflictions shall be but a small moment; and then, if thou endure it well, God shall exalt thee on high; thou shalt triumph over all thy foes." (D&C 121: 7-8)